When I look back upon my life to date, I have many regrets. Now that’s not necessarily a bad thing. However, mine are mostly regrets of opportunities lost; opportunities passed up on. There are things that I could and should have done and chances which I actively shied away from.
But that’s all in the past; many of them are more than half my lifetime ago. I am going to try and spell them out and see if I can get some closure on them. Or better still, use them going forward. Perhaps not to spur me on to start taking chances, but more to illuminate my life as it stands now. To evaluate what has got me here and what I can do to move myself forward from here.
I have categorised my regrets into Personal, Educational, Romantic and Financial.
|P||Not taking summer job as a street sweeper in 19**|
|R||Not going to a pyjama party that I was invited to by a girl when at secondary school|
|P||Right hook not connecting with this lad in an English lesson in 2nd year|
|R||Girl ‘B’ at sixth form|
|R||Valentine’s card sent to another girl at sixth form (girl ‘D’)|
|P / F||Not taking a job as soil sampler / ground water controller in 19** / **|
|E||‘A’ Level choices and subsequent degree choice|
|R||Girl ‘A’ at work|
|R||Girl ‘C’ at secondary school|
|E / P / F||Choices after finishing my degree in 19**|
|P / F||Choices after initial successful period of self employment following resignation after 12 years of employment in industry|
|P / F||Not pushing hard enough to have both two houses on the go at the same time|
|P||Being a c**t to this lad at sixth form|
|P||Friendship choices at secondary school / sixth form|
|R||Not getting laid until the age of 26; picking the wrong lady to do it with|
Now I’m sure that there are more of these. But just for now, let’s stick with this little group. As I mentioned earlier, I am not trying to use this exercise as a self pitying whinge. No, I want to use it to try and understand why I am the person who I am. In many respects, these regrets are not the cause of me being who I am, but they are caused by me being who I am. Or was, and that is the point. Would I be a different person now if I had behaved differently when faced with these dilemmas?